A fictional conversation about vests between two imaginary people (one of whom bears a striking resemblance to me):
“It’s cold out. Go grab your vest. Come on.”
“My vest? I don’t have a vest.”
“You don’t have a vest.”
“I don’t have a vest.”
“Who doesn’t have a vest?”
“Who? Doesn’t have a vest? Lots of people, that’s who.”
“I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a vest.”
“What is this, 1985? Who the heck wears vests?”
“No, dummy. I don’t mean like a clothing vest.”
“A clothing vest?”
“Like a vest you’d wear as clothes. I mean like an outdoorsy vest.”
“I’ve never heard you use the word ‘outdoorsy.’”
“Frick, you know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Look, do you see what I have on right now? This is an outdoorsy vest. It’s made out of jacket material and it has down feathers in it. What is your problem?”
“My problem is, apparently, that I don’t have an outdoorsy vest and somehow you have decided the day requires one.”
“Whatever. Wear a jacket then. Come on, we’re going to be late.”
“What’s the forecast for today?”
“I’m going to punch you, seriously.”
“Let me check my iPhone right quick.”
“Don’t bother. It’s vest weather. It’s vest degrees outside.”
“I have never worn a vest, do you know that? Not once in my entire life.”
“I can’t believe we’ve known each other all these years and I’ve never realized what a freak job you are.”
“And come to think of it, I defy you to explain its purpose to me. Explain to me the purpose of a vest.”
“You can’t be serious. They sell these in stores, you know.”
“Do you enjoy having cold elbows? Do you find that jacket sleeves hinder your otherwise catlike reflexes?”
“It’s not like I had it custom made.”
“Are your biceps not jealous of your snuggly warm bosom?”
“Are you done mumbling? I thought you were just checking the weather on that thing.”
“Already did. Now I’m Googling ‘purpose of vests.’”
“Find anything?”
“Just multi- and all-purpose vests.”
“Nice.”
“But could there really be a vest that serves all purposes? What a concept.”
“We’re really going to be late.”
“I might actually buy such a vest.”
“This has ceased being funny for me.”
“Remember in Back to the Future? They thought Marty McFly was wearing a life preserver.”
“More importantly, do you remember Back to the Future II?”
“What about it? I don’t remember vest jokes in that one.”
“No, but Marty visited the year 2015.”
“2015! Holy crap, you’re right.”
“Six years from now.”
“We’ll all have flying cars.”
“Not to mention hoverboards.”
“Oh, man. I wanted a hoverboard so bad.”
“Of course you did.”
“Kinda wack that they didn’t go over water, though.”
“Hence the life preserver.”
“Oh, right. I was making fun of your vest. I almost forgot.”
“Indeed. I have to go now.”
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I completely agree with the non-vest-wearer, and I love this conversation.
Thanks Roxanne! Glad you loved. : )